Christmas went by without notice in my house. It felt like any other day, well weekend. Just Jeremy and I, as we sat around talking and watching TV. Jeremy’s family gathered at his sister’s, and we were not able to attend. His sister is going through Chemo and is immuno-suppressed. So we were alone. To say I cried would be an understatement. There was no hustle and bustle to keep my mind occupied. I had more time then I wanted to think and to miss Joshua. To stare aimlessly at the tree and wish he was here, playing with presents like so many other’s children. But my house is not like the house of so many other families. We have a son who celebrated in Heaven.
So, as a parent, instead of opening a present from our son this Christmas, I opened a heart of grief. Revisited with fresh tears and a cup of coffee. I can’t say I welcomed it, but the tears felt good. It feels like the Cratchet’s house this year. “Tiny Tim” is missing from the house, and it’s just not as joyful without him. We ate dinner and talked, about random things mostly. At one point, while I was cooking dinner, Jeremy came in and hugged me. He put his arms around me gently and said “Merry Christmas, Beautiful”. I laid my head on his chest and wept, “I miss Josh” is all I could say as the tears flowed.
It’s another Christmas at the Complese house, and Joshua’s “chair” is still empty.
